I am puke
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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