She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
