I love black thongs
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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