my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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