i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
did you just send me my own nude
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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