Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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