just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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