It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
