So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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