I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
