please come you make the beer taste better
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
