Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
