I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
