Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
