Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
