This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
