did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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