my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
