I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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