Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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