god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
