Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
