I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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