omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I wear drunk well.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
