Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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