You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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