I smell stomach acid.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
