We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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