this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
