Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
