Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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