we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
