Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Someone shattered a urinal.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
