Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
