I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
