he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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