I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
