Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
