i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
