Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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