Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
