Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
this will be a night to untag.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
