something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
