he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
