I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
