Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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