god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Why did my mother make you get naked?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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