Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
