my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
