Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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