ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
