I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
