there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
