youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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