i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
