69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
