I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
