all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
