At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
