it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
