1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
