Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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