Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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